Nickie’s Nook: Oils and Books

I’d like to wish everyone a happy Mother’s Day. Every year on Mother’s Day, I think of, and deeply miss, my Mom. I started this post and the blend it discusses on April 9th for reasons which will be obvious. I wanted a way to honor Mom and a blend seemed like a good way to do it. But like many things which are truly important, it took longer than intended. It’s with a lot of love that I share this blend today.

My Mother’s Day tribute to an amazing mom. Mom, I miss you and love you. You were God’s gift to me and one of the best gifts I could have asked for. Thankfully, I didn’t have to ask for the Mom I wanted because I couldn’t have imagined such an awesome mommy!

On April 9, 2018, my Mom left this earth and went to heaven. Though I grieve losing her every day, I know that I will ultimately see her again. And while cancer attacked her body, she won her battle. Cancer didn’t steal her personality and her amazing love for life. It didn’t take her faith. Even so, losing the ability to talk to her, be near her and connect to her physicaly with a hug has been extremely painful to put it very mildly.

Mom and I were very close. My Complex Regional Pain Syndrome and other illnesses made me reliant on her and so we spent a lot of time together. There were a lot of things she understood that no one else has ever seemed to fully understand. So every year on her birthday, and also on her heavenly birthday (which happen to be exactly 2 months apart), I really feel the grief.

This year, a friend suggested a unique way to deal with my grief and honor her. Mom never got to see me thrive using essential oils while she was here on earth. But I know she is watching me now and that my improvement in quality of life and positive changes I’ve made in growing independence are something she’s happy about. My friend mentioned how creativity can be healing and suggested I make an essential oil blend in honor of Mom. Ultimately, I decided to do just that.

I wanted to build a blend that would be flowery, fresh and bright to represent her personality. Mom was often cheerful to the point of annoyance, especially during the morning. That said, her bright personality is one thing I miss a lot now. I’ll be writing about Mom and the blend I made to honor her in the following post.

I added the following drops to a 10ml bottle and topped it off with jojoba oil, but any carrier oil would work. It’s a strong blend, so you could easily take half of it and put it into another 10ml bottle then top both with carrier oil.

Shop for Your Oils Here

If you appreciate the content on this blog and would like to make this blend, go to the link in the above heading to buy your oils. If you purchase your oils as a member, you’ll get 25% off, but either way, you’ll help support this blog.

6 Drops Gardenia: Friendship

Gardenia isn’t something we can normally get, but last year, Doterra included it in a Mother’s Day kit of three floral oils. As I mentioned before, Mom was my very close friend. I could rely on her to be even more than my Mom when I was struggling. Not to say that parents can’t be friends with their kids, but that wasn’t how my parents generally parented. Of course, I knew they loved me, but there was always a dynamic that said “I’m your parent and I know best.” But as I grew up, Mom became more to me. While I was dealing with so much pain (both physical and emotional), Mom started to act as a friend would, just listening to my challenges and needs.

Mom spent a lot of time with me, caring for me in ways a parent doesn’t often have to when their kid is an adult. I was much more reliant on her than I expected to be. We spent a lot of time talking about emotional topics and doing things together. We had a lot of quality as well as quantity time together. She also dealt with her own emotional challenges which gave me a chance to share the skills I was learning. That gave me a chance to give back and helped create the friendship dynamic.

In 2015, I got really sick with a severe staf infection while I was in Florida waiting for an infusion I wasn’t able to get. I was hospitalized for 6 weeks part of that time was on a ventilator, but part of it was spent recovering. My Dad, sister and grandmother came for part of that time, but most of that time Mom was the only connection to people I knew. She would come visit me for much of the day and balanced the time between talking with me, reading Caringbridge comments aloud and being quiet so I could rest. She cheered me on during physical therapy and smuggled in Panera and other food with the doctor’s permission. That time was hard for both of us, but I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for her. She was balancing caring for my needs and also caring for Julio, my guide dog.

12 Drops Osmanthus: Gentleness

Mom was incredibly gentle! She was gentle whenever she touched me due to my pain of course, but more importantly, she was gentle in every other way. I deal with PTSD and in the beginning, I had very severe reactions when I was triggered. If I was triggered, I honestly acted like the traumatic event was happening again. Without going into too much depth, I can say that because of surgeries I had as a kid, even though the event I would reenact happened when I was an adult, I would sound like a child in my tone of voice. My trauma psychologist explained that there was more to my trauma than the adulthood event which caused the flashback. Mom had to be understanding toward that little child in me and patient when I know my PTSD was challenging to deal with. She was also gentle in her approach to everything. Her gentleness and compassion were so incredibly helpful to me.

3-4 Drops Spearmint: Confident Speech

Those who know me know I love to talk. I got that from Mom. She was always talking to people at church, school or anywhere else she could possibly encounter other people. Even at home, she was very talkative. This could be a problem early in the morning when I was barely awake. I had to learn how to politely or at least respectfully tell her that I needed some space.

2 Drops Coriander: Integrity

Mom had strong integrity! She valued her faith and that gave her a strong moral and ethical code. But her integrity didn’t stop there. She always stood up for what and who she believed in. I always knew I could count on her and so did other people.

She had a strong Mamma bear attitude. Many times while I was sick whether that was physical or mental illness mom stuck up for what I needed even though I could not. I remember several cases of Mamma Bear protecting her cub. Sometimes that was just so telling someone not to touch me or explaining my chronic illness when I couldn’t. Several few times, though, she came out with the human equevalent of a roar when dealing with a doctor who either didn’t believe my pain was real or was more focussed on making sure to avoid prescribing opioids than on doing their job and taking care of a patient who deals with a rare and severe pain disorder on top of several other problems like migraines as well as mental illnesses. One time, I’d gone to an ER with a severe migraine and associated stomach symptoms. The doctor was one who believed that you don’t use pain meds for migraines. Instead, you use nausea meds and anti-psychotics, along with migraine abortives and very little else. In some cases, this can be effective. But in my case, I’d already tried migraine abortives and was maxed out on them. In addition, I don’t tolerate anti-psychotics at all and the same goes for some of the nausea meds which are supposed to help with migraine pain along with the nausea. About 4 hours into this ordeal, I was give a med which should never be given through the IV through my IV. About 30 minutes later a nurse comes in and explains that I might have to stay over night but they weren’t sure. In the mean time, I’d have blood tests and E.K.Gs. They said they’d relieve my guide dog for me, but said that if I stayed the night I’d need to make arrangements for someone to take him home. Needless to say, I was terrified and called my mom. She came down to the ER and sat with me. A few hours of continued severe pain later, a nurse came in and started to remove the IV and mom had had enough. She demanded that they get my pain under control in no uncertain terms. The nurse said she’d get the doctor. He came in cheerfully saying all tests looked good. Mom unleashed her anger in the form of strong words stating that I’d come in in pain and told them about what had worked for my pain in the past. Instead of managing the pain, they’d messed up and given me a med that might or might not have worked even if administered correctly in a way that could have had long-lasting negative effects on my heart. I’d then been forced to lay in the loud ER for several more hours. He finally consented to giving a small amount of pain medication. I always knew I didn’t want Mom to be mad at me, but this showed me a nother side of her. It wasn’t sweet or cheerful. But it was protective.

Years later, about 6 months after her death, I made a teddy bear from a shirt she’d always loved. I named it Mamma bear after experiences like this.

5 Drops Douglas Fir: Generational Wisdom

I learned a lot from my mom. She taught me about her life and things she learned from her parents. She passed along many stories. She also told me stories about my own life when I was too young to remember. She gave me a lot of perspective on my own life from when I was younger. Also, during the times when I was struggling most, she reminded me of the things I needed to do to get through the tough times. She gave me a lot of perspective on where I was and how even though things were tough, they had been worse and were going to get better. One such time was during what I refer to as the “Nickie almost died episode”. I was recovering from a staf infection I’d gotten through a power port. It had spread to my lungs. I was on a ventelator, but even though I was supposed to be sedated, I could feel and hear things going on. I’d managed to spit out the tube 4 times. I clearly recall her saying in a firm but loving voice “Nickie, I know this sucks, but you’re going to have to use radical acceptance because you’re damaging your lungs and the sooner they heal, the sooner you’ll get that tube out.” She confirmed saying this and other statements she’d made while I was “sedated”. I must have understood her even in my foggy state because between then and when I was put on a me tracheostomy, I never spit the tube out. There were several other examples of her giving me perspective and passing along wisdom, but there are many other oils in the blend and this post will be a book the way it’s going.

7 Drops Beautiful Touch: Beauty

Mom was a beautiful person with a beautiful soul. I don’t know what she looked like, but that’s a benefit of blindness. I get my impressions from other information. In my opinion, mom had a beautiful soul. Her attitude of compassion for others, strong faith, cheerful disposition and empathy are all beautiful traits! I also added beautiful because it’s a cheerful and sweet smell. I first got Beautiful Touch in springtime and it smells like a fruity drink and reminds me of spring and summer. I wanted that smell as part of a blend to honor Mom.

4 Drops Roman Chamomile: Spiritual Purpose

I wanted chamomile for 2 reasons. One because it can represent spiritual purpose and Mom’s faith was very strong. She always tryed to learn from tough experiences and my desire to use my pain and other challenges to help others comes partially from how she passed on our faith. But also because it’s a flower. When I thought about what I wanted in a blend to represent Mom, it was a floral and citrus blend with an uplifting aroma.

4 Drops Madagascar vanilla: unfolding

I always struggle with the word unfolding from the book Essential Emotions. It’s hard to unpack all that is in the paragraph on the page in my own words, but I don’t do well with quoting sources. Basically, it’s comforting, seeing the richness and wonderful parts of life. Mom definitely saw the beauty and awe in life. I would hear her comment on beautiful things she saw and wish she could describe them to me. When I lost my will to live and deal with my challenges, she held on to love of life for me. Also, vanilla is sweet and so was she!

5 Drops Red Mandarin: Childlike Perspective

Mom could be very playful. She had a fair amount of kid in her. When spending time with me when I was young, she would play. When she saw pets or my guide dog was off duty, she was playful with them.

I always apreciated that she didn’t have an attitude of “you’re too old for that”, when I used fidgets.

1 Drop Basil: Renewal

I added basil for its freshness, but also because Elements of Emotions mentions that basil is the oil of renewal. Mom shared my belief that she is a new creation in Christ.

1 Drop Tangerine: Spontaneity

I added tangerine because it’s such an uplifting scent, but also because it is emotionally known as the oil of spontaneity. It’s sort of an inside joke. Both mom and I liked to know what was going to happen next. On the other hand, she would do things on the spurr of the moment. Because we didn’t always communicate as clearly as we could in my family, it sometimes seemed like things that had been planned were happening spontaniously.

1 Drop Sandalwood: Sacred Devotion

As i’ve mentioned several times, Mom’s Christian faith was extremely important to her. She was devoted to Christ and has passed that love of Jesus on to me.

4 Drops Lime: Zest for Life

Mom loved life. When I saw no purpose in life, she saw the beauty of it. It’s hard to describe her love of life. That said, she was never someone who didn’t seem to enjoy life. Instead, she seemed to embrace it. Her sense of humor and joy shown through.

Whatever she did, you could tell she enjoyed it. When I would go to blindness conventions, she was fully involved. She had a smile in her voice most of the time.

1 Drop grapefruit: for its brightness

Grapefruit has a very bright and fresh smell. Mom’s voice and attitude were very cheerful. I cannot stress her positive attitude enough when I describe her!

5 Drops Clementine: Just For The Cheerful Smell

We can’t buy clementine from Doterra regularly, but it was a special promotion a few years ago. I was out of wild orange and was looking for another citrus. This gave the blend a brighter, more cheerful aroma.

A Few Weeks To Let the Blend Marry

I spent about a week adding oils to this blend. It seemed like nothing I did created a blend that smelled quite good enough. Eventually, I kind of gave up. One day, I smelled the blend and it smelled great. I think that in some ways, it’s like our relationship. At times when I was younger, I’m sad to say that I focussed on things I wished were different about my relationship with Mom. But after my mental and physical health took precident and I started getting help with my mental health, our relationship improved. Especially as I grew older, we saw the best in each other.

Sometimes, it’s helpful when you add all of the ingredients and let them mix and settle. This is true in many things, including life.

While this post and the blend I made can’t do Mom justice, it has been good for me to create both of them and remember her.

Mom: An Acb Angel

At the 2019 American Council of the Blind Convention, Mom was honored as an ACB Angel. I was honored to give a speech honoring her. This is a link to the text of an article accompanying her plack on the wall of angels.